10 Terrible Truths About Moving

Last spring, I wrote an article about 10 terrible truths of spring cleaning. This year, myself, J, and Sophie the cat, made the decision to avoid THAT particular hassle and opted to move instead. It was a quick move, 2 weeks between signing the lease and moving our stuff. But with J and I being particularly organized people, and me with 12 moves under my belt, I was pretty sure it was going to be an “easy move”. Now, for the most part I was right, we had a dozen wonderful people helping us, we moved everything in one U-Haul trip, the weather was great, and nothing broke. However, no matter how “easy” a move may be, it doesn’t change the fact that there are…

10 Terrible Truths About Moving

1.Necessity may be the mother of invention, but she sure isn’t pretty.

Do you remember that Folgers commercial where the couple is spending their first day in a new house and they can’t find a coffee mug, so they smile and shrug at each other and drink their coffee out of gravy boats? Cute, right? You know what isn’t nearly as cute in real life? Ranch Dressing out of a ziplock bag.

2. Your belongings will not:

a) Fit in the new place

b) Make it to the new place

c) Work in the new place

d) Assemble properly in the new place

3. It will be 3 days before you know what time it is.

The stove says 7:15. The alarm clock says 8:04. The coffeemaker says 6:45. The microwave is blinking 12:00 am. Both cell phones are dead because the chargers are still packed. The only thing to do now is to rise and set with the sun. Cancel all appointments and fashion a sundial out of a grapefruit half and a drinking straw.

4. No matter how carefully you plan and pack and group priority items in order to have everything you need accessible to you, you did it wrong.

It was a solid week until I saw paper towels and garbage bags at the same time. I’d spill things at the new place and have to mop it up with tissues. Meanwhile at the old place, I had to stuff garbage into grocery bags. Then, inexplicably, everything shifted and I had all the paper towels I could ask for at the new place, but nary a garbage bag to be found.

5. No Pens, possibly ever again.

This post was originally drafted with a stub of a pencil. When that wore out, a pink highlighter was the only writing implement to be found.

6. Get ready to eat nothing but Pizza for days on end.

…at least get vegetables on it. No need for scurvy today.

7. The unpacking of books is held up by creation of the “I should re-read this” pile.

Which, for some reason, cannot exist on the shelf with the other books. Beware, this pile may end up toppling onto an already nervous cat.

8. Whatever street you need to maneuver the U-Haul truck down, that’s where all the yard sales are.

People will inevitably park in the middle of a 2 lane street, and then leave the door open so that they can dash across the street and to snag the sheep n’ goat salt and pepper shakers. Then, regardless of polite honking from the 17-ft truck, they meander back to their cars, speaking animatedly to their companions about their victory.

9. You will have to go to all sorts of lengths to protect your fragile items.

Think you have enough bubble wrap? You don’t. So you supplement with a newspaper, and you’re all set right? Nope. Do you start wrapping your dishes in tea towels, socks, blankets. Before you know it, you’re packing the serving dishes in the same box as your sweaters, and it seems like the best idea you’ve ever had.

10. At the end of the day, you’ll have the best, most well- deserved nights sleep of your life.

…on a bare mattress with your winter coat as a blanket.